Thursday, May 24, 2012

When Mothers Eyes Cry

I remember being brave
My Moma with tears in her eyes
Her gentle kiss…its sweetness.
Our goodbyes.

I remember hot days
And summer BDU’s
My left…my military left from my right.

And I sang proud
Every cadence loud.

I remember it’s, “Yes Drill Sergeant/No Drill Sergeant.”
And that one song rings on
“Moma, Moma, don’t you cry…your little boy ain’t gonna die.”

I’ve known better days
But none recently.
Just these war days.

And when the morning comes
My sergeant reminds me
“Any day you’re still alive is a good day.”

And when the evening comes
And we’re still alive
he says again, “No Mothers will cry tonight.”

And like the song goes,
“Moma, Moma, don’t you cry…your little boy ain’t gonna die.”
And we all hope it’s true.

And every night I pray
for the last line of that song to play,
“And it won’t be long…till I get on back home…

…till I get on back home.”


Let me see…with eyes set on a prize…I see you.
My stare is shouting out at you to look my way…
Telling you everything my lips can’t say.
You see you paralyze me with that stunner smile…
Like a thousand watts of juice.
I can’t move, I can’t speak, and my courage fails me.
But my eyes should tell you everything I cannot say…
Too bad you never look my way…
Too bad I’m just not brave…
Too bad I simply wait for a lucky day.
I don’t know what you’re up to…
Flashing your style and beauty all around me and everyone else.
You make me feel weak…
wondering if I got the strength to keep you for my self.
You see, I ain’t got much…
well, I ain’t got what you got…and I sure as hell ain’t got the wealth.
See a girl like you must want more than a guy like me has to offer,
Why else would I feel like such coward?
I know money can’t buy love…but what I wanna know is do you know that?
Because if you do then maybe I got something you really need…
I’ll give you that one thing that’s every woman’s dream.
A promise to always be there when you need me.
With gentle words.
With compliments.
With compassion.
With deep love and adoration.
I would rip the heart out my chest and give you my last breath to keep you in this world.
I will be there by your side until the day you die…if your day comes before mine.
I wish I had the courage to tell you this…
But then again, would you have the courage to believe this?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Happy Mother's Day

I will never ever understand the true depth of your love for me,
But I once heard you say, losing me would take your life away.
Your love brings me to my knees with tears in my eyes at times,
Because I know there is no way I can ever return such love.
I’ve asked you many times what you require of me;
You simply smile and say, “Be happy, child of mine.”

Momma…I want you to be proud of me.
I want you to know that I love you…
And how much I truly know now that you love me.
There’s this deep ache in me I get that confuses me,
And the only words it brings to mind are, I’m sorry.

Maybe I am sorry for my youth.
I was selfish…I blamed you for everything;
I said things to you that I shouldn’t have;
And I felt ways about you that I am ashamed of.
I didn’t for one second understand your struggle or strife;
Nor did I even care to; I only wanted my own way.

Perhaps I am sorry for my adult life.
For thinking I was better off on my own;
For thinking I knew what was best for me.
Honestly, for thinking my words were more powerful than yours.

I am sorry for the fool I was
in believing someone could love me more than you.
The fool who believed you couldn’t understand my pain.
The fool who thought you didn’t care about my dreams.
The fool who thought he could live his life without you.

I’m so sorry for taking so long to forgive you for your justice;
When you always believed
I hadn’t ever done anything wrong to ask you to forgive.
I’m so sorry for never knowing how perfect I am to you;
And for ever denying the perfection in you.

Momma, I don’t want to just give you one day a year.
I want to give you every day of my life…just my way of saying, I’m sorry…
But even more so, for telling me, “You have nothing to be sorry for, I love you.”