But I once heard you say, losing me would take your life away.
Your love brings me to my knees with tears in my eyes at times,
Because I know there is no way I can ever return such love.
I’ve asked you many times what you require of me;
You simply smile and say, “Be happy, child of mine.”
Momma…I want you to be proud of me.
I want you to know that I love you…
And how much I truly know now that you love me.
There’s this deep ache in me I get that confuses me,
And the only words it brings to mind are, I’m sorry.
Maybe I am sorry for my youth.
I was selfish…I blamed you for everything;
I said things to you that I shouldn’t have;
And I felt ways about you that I am ashamed of.
I didn’t for one second understand your struggle or strife;
Nor did I even care to; I only wanted my own way.
Perhaps I am sorry for my adult life.
For thinking I was better off on my own;
For thinking I knew what was best for me.
Honestly, for thinking my words were more powerful than yours.
I am sorry for the fool I was
in believing someone could love me more than you.
The fool who believed you couldn’t understand my pain.
The fool who thought you didn’t care about my dreams.
The fool who thought he could live his life without you.
I’m so sorry for taking so long to forgive you for your justice;
When you always believed
I hadn’t ever done anything wrong to ask you to forgive.
I’m so sorry for never knowing how perfect I am to you;
And for ever denying the perfection in you.
Momma, I don’t want to just give you one day a year.
I want to give you every day of my life…just my way of saying, I’m sorry…
But even more so, for telling me, “You have nothing to be sorry for, I love you.”