Where should I begin…I should begin with kicking your ass. Oh my God, I want to tell you how much I love you; but honestly, right now, I’m having flashbacks of all the shit you put me through. You need a birthday asswhooping. Let me see…
You physically scarred me for life.
You shot me with a beebee gun.
You got me arrested.
You’re lucky I’m still too embarrassed to list all the ways you’ve embarrassed me in high school.
Well, you’re lucky, because now I’m remembering all the things I did too you. I won’t list them right now, because this is about you and your day, not me and what I did : )
WOW…all these years we’ve been friends. I love you, Neroy. You’re my closest friend, my dear brother, and I don’t know what I would have done without you all these years. I’m glad we made it this far, and I’m sure our best years together are soon to come.
I can’t help but to look at you and see me. You are someone I can’t hide from. You can finish my sentences, you know what I want even before I ask for it. Our inside jokes have inside jokes. You once gave up a booty call to come watch me wrestle in high school; and I watched some lame ass water polo games just because you played. I know more about you than your wife and I love you unconditionally and always (and yes, Ralph, sometimes in a completely gay way).
I pray for the day when you and I come full-circle and retire together and spend our days walking to the mall to see if we can pick up on some chicks, and going into every store and not buying a damn thing. Then we could do a late night donut run, and cap off the night watching Eddy Murphy movies.
Happy Birthday you old Bastard.